I’m sure you all know the phrase, “Easy come, easy go”, right? Well, turns out that’s the phrase we side with when dealing with people romantically. With an abundance of people willing to delve into relationships or situationships at a relatively fast rate, we still want to feel that we are being challenged.
Have you ever had a crush on or liked someone and you two begin to get to know each other, and they become super willing and you get turned off? Well, at least I can relate. When I’m interested in someone, I like it when they give me a bit of a challenge and not give me their “all” so early on. Nothing worth having comes easy, and if I can easily attain you, then that’s where I begin to question how frequently are you willing to give “your all” to others? They (no DJ Khaled) say that love is cursed by monogamy (not agreeing or disagreeing); this comes from the belief that love is supposed to be shared and monogamy restricts that. In other words, this insinuates that being allowed to love one person at a time is unrealistic.
When we approach people we’re interested in, we assume (for the most part) that there is a chance of us being rejected which is why we don’t know how to react when the person is actually interested in us as well. If only we could build someone who is attractive to us and treats us well, right?
The saying, “We chase the ones who ignore us and we ignore the ones who chase us” pretty much sums up most of our love lives. Why is it that when the people we like treat us in a cold manner, we somehow like them more? Psychologically, whatever is scarce to us, is in fact, valuable. Just like the saying, “It is better to have 4 quarters than 100 pennies.” Although both amounts equal $1, one is easier to find and it is of less value. When we feel like the person we are pursuing is disconnecting themselves from us, our instinct is to take that as a challenge and try our best to keep them in our lives.
HERE’S WHERE THE TABLES TURN…
We are also guilty of ignoring those who chase us. It’s quite an honor to know someone is interested in us especially when they like us for who we are and not how we look. They compliment us, they treat us well, and they are willing to give us all we’ve ever wanted in the love department.
The only problem is…we don’t like the person back!
And that’s the sad truth- this person is all we’ve ever wanted except they either aren’t as attractive to us or they have a downfall that we just can’t accept. Meanwhile, we’re probably out there chasing someone who can’t even text us back, which goes back to one of the points I made earlier about taking rejection as a challenge. Nevertheless, there are also people out there who like us who don’t know how to respect our space. A big shoutout to those who continue pursuing someone after being ignored/rejected, but no shoutout to those who cannot accept rejection and become bitter and/or violate your space. We all have insecurities, but some of us do not know how to deal with it when we are challenged. This right here is a call to remind yourself that there are millions of fish in the sea, and that there is someone out there for everybody.
Have you ever felt like you rejected someone, but for their own good? Like you know you aren’t good enough for them, so you save them the trouble and come clean about your lack of interest in them.
For instance, if you know you’re not a faithful person and the person who likes you is the opposite of that, then you will reject them with the good intention of knowing you don’t want to hurt them. And I’m not here to promote unfaithfulness, instead I am accepting that there are different types of people with different habits and if their habits don’t work for you, then there’s no problem- you don’t have to allow them in your life.
Sometimes I think to myself, “Damn, why it always gotta be about the chase?” But seriously…why does it always have to be about the chase? Why can’t we just love each other freely without our pride in the way? Why can’t our feelings direct us to those who like us and are willing to treat us well? And why do we want to keep fighting for someone when they’ve given us so many reasons to give up on them?” These are all questions we’ve all asked ourselves a a few times in our lives and we still have yet to answer them.
So, do we continue to chase the person we’ve being trying to pursue? Or do we give up and settle for what’s at our convenience (because life is so short, right)? Well, whatever choice you make, follow your heart but don’t forget you also have a brain. We often lose hope when we discover the person we like has no interest in us but I don’t believe hope should be lost in this scenario as long as you respect their space and their wishes. And if you choose to settle for whatever’s at your convenience, let’s hope you are actually building a foundation with that person, as a strong foundation is essential in every relationship.